The Valley of the Cats pt2

After just minutes of Whiley receiving the injection, I have Liati and myself loaded in the car. We are headed to Wyoming to bury Whiley next to his brother. I wonder if Liati knows that Whiley is in the box that sits in the back seat. Surely she can smell him. I am no longer sobbing, but my eyes continue to irrigate my face. I don't have any music playing. I cant take any more stimulation of any kind.
Thank the Goddess that I know this highway so completely. I am in auto drive mode. We make it to the Ranch in about 45 minutes. I drive into the main homestead and let Liati go into the bushes ontop of the old root cellar. I load up some shovels and grab a bottle of water. Thank goodness no one is around as I sure the hell don't want to talk with my family right now.
I drive back to the front pasture to where my sacred Aspen Grove is. It has been 7 years since I buried Wolfie out here. I hope I can remember how to get my car back into the valley. I get out of my car and move some branches. I drive my little Subaru wagon along an animal trail for awhile. Then I really need to just get out and walk to assess the drivability of the trail. I walk West along the valley floor for about 1/2 mile. The temp is hot and dry. I come to a tight place where an Aspen tree has fallen over the trail. I work for about a half an hour to move the tree. It doesn't happen. I will have to find a new way in. I walk back to my car and drive up to the north west end of the valley. The rocks and trees are huge here. I find a way to slowly drive down and around the trees and rocks. I have to go over the sage brush and the noise it makes is awful. I come to the bottom of the hill and I am now very close to where I need to go. I need to go down the hill a bit more and then up a hill. I gun it, but the car stops. When I let off the brake, my car slides down into a ravine. I get out and assess the situation. Horrified to think of my parents berating me for even trying this. I pull out shovels and work for an hour and a half trying to dig, rearrange, or pry myself out of this situation. Its not going to happen. I grab the water bottle and my cell phone then head up the hill. I may have to walk back out to the highway to get cell phone coverage. Or maybe flag someone down on the ranch road. I actually get connected to the ranch phone on the top of the hill. I leave a message for my mom, and continue to walk towards the ranch road. Eventually my mom shows up and picks me up in her Jeep. She drives us back to the ranch house hoping to find the ranch manager to asses getting my car out. They decide they will do it tomorrow. I start sobbing because I cant stand to leave Whiley in the car back in the ravine. My mom drives me back to the car, and we find an easier way in. She takes note of the bad angle my car is in, but at least she doesn't say anything too deprecatory. I load Whiley in the Jeep and we had home. I decide that I will put Whiley's box in my old play room. It is a little out building that has walls made of granite and quartz stone. It will be cool and safe there.
I go up to my room and don't come out the rest of the night. I try to get Liati to snuggle with me but she will have none of that. I don't really sleep much, worrying about what I still need to do tomorrow. I wish that I could have completed the burial. Tomorrow will be another day.

The Valley of the Cats

August 8, 2005

Last night I went to the CSU vet hospital to pick up my dearest cat Whiley. He was in renal failure and dying. I took him home and laid him on my bed on his favorite comforter. I lit all
the candles in the room including at least 6 that were Brigid's candles. I put some Steve Roach CD's on the stereo and began the vigil to walk with my familiar to the other side. He purred most of the night as I laid spooning his furry warm body. It would be the last time. I cried for hours on end - not wanting to fight the process but devastated still.
This morning Whiley is still alive and still purring. He hasnt eaten or drank water for two days now. Today I must take him to the vet to have him put to sleep. I cant make the phone call. He is still purring.
My mom gave me a cardboard box to put Whiley in. I have begun to decorate it. I put a towel in the bottom and then ontop of that his catnip play matt. It fits perfectly. I have now begun going through piles of old photos to pick a few that will go with him on his journey. I have picked one of him and I. I also have one of him and his brother Wolfie. I also made sure to include one of him and Liati. I tape these to the insides of the box. I also put in his favorite pieces of string. I include a drawing of Bast along with a small statue of her. I write a prayer on the inside of the box to bless Whileys journey.
I begin cleaning the house and putting all his things away or in the washer. I figure that I am already sobbing, I may as well do it now. My friend Maria calls to check on me and I can barely talk on the phone. I still cant make the call to the vet. Spirit tells me to roll a dice and the number on it will be the time I should make the appointment for. I roll a 2. I call and the only appointment they have open is for 2:30 - 30 extra minutes.
I take Whiley outside to sleep on his lounge chair. He is still purring. He occasionally boosts enough energy to move to different places in the yard. I find myself following him with my camera and taking closeup photographs of the patterns of his fur. Those amazing patterns that I never want to forget. I am sobbing - he is still purring.
It is now time to go the two blocks to the vet. I load the box in the car. I carry Whiley out to the porch to sniff noses with Liati one last time. My heart is broken.
I drive over with Whiley in my lap. I sit outside with Whiley in my lap because I cannot go in. Do I have the strength to do this? Whiley is still purring. I finally go inside. The women in the office give me 15 minutes to say good bye. I talk to Whiley about joining his brother Wolfie. I tell him that he is more than welcome to visit me or stay near me.
I take the box inside with the tape and explain that I dont have the strength to watch him slip away. Could they please put him in and seal the box. I am in a private room with Whiley as the vet comes in and asks me if I am ready. I kiss him and run outside. I sit on the back of my car sobbing. After an eternity, all three women bring the box out to me and give me a hug. My heart is broken.
I drive home and load my suitcase and Liati in the car and head for the ranch to bury Whiley next to his brother. The next part of the journey has begun