The Decent

 

    The Decent

An Owl hoots nearby
Setting a rhythm
For the knocking
At the first gate
I've been here before
I know to loose the tears
Shed them
And leave them
Soaking into the thirsty turf
Take a deep breath
Once I shut this gate behind me
No turning back
There is no gatekeeper here.
The wheel of Life
Will strip me of all I cling to
Solitary journey
Understood path before me
I hang my cloak of identity
On a bare branch
Perhaps to collect it
When I ascend
For Imbolc

Footprints of soot
Mark my decent
Walking the ancient path
Of all those before me
I begin chanting
A timeless poem
Honoring Persephone
Beseeching Inanna
Once my memories
And ego are burnt away
Nothing left but my silhouette
The gift of sleep is bestowed.

When it becomes time
To awaken and return
Will you touch my cheek?
Will you whisper?
Remind me?
Of the path renewal
That leads up to
The Forests of knowing

Shedding Summer Regrets

 

I begin my journey

Down the steps

Shedding summer regrets

Stepping over petals

Of lovers whispers

Sweet nothings

Mistful touches

Denied kisses

© Karen K Fischer 2021

My Forest Offers

 

My forest offers
A special silence
The distant bird
A bee buzzing 
Then a breeze
the Aspens sing!

© Karen K Fischer 2021

Today I was a Deer

 

Today I was a Deer

Today I was a deer

followed a stream

nibbled on sweet grass

was startled by snakes

drank water

stood in a creek

smelled a pine tree 

squinted at the sun

napped by a stream

Listened to aspen leaves

Completely free 

of the concepts 

Of time 

I’ll wander back 

When the sun dips 

Aware of the season

Colors changing 

No more flowers

Joyous no harsh bugs

Birds singing

Temperature is delicious

Pillow Talk

 

Pillow Talk

 

We lie clothed

Facing each other

Not touching

Thoughts to discuss

In person

You tell me you want me

I look away 

And begin my list

The reasons

I have been turning over

In my head

for weeks

You lean close 

To nibble an ear

My body quakes

Like an Aspen

I nestle into your chest

Reason dropping away

Like future tears

Leaves fall golden

Floating down

Resistance 

Seasonal change

Will follow

Himself smooths

My blue hair

My eyes seek out his

His chest growls

I bite my lip

Too late for words

Lips cover lips

The forest floor

May slow the falling.  

© Karen K Fischer 2021

Night of Release

I'm doing all sorts of purging and cleansing tonight.  

I keep my pocket rocks in a bowl of herbs and as I was packing up the last of Imbolc supplies, I decided to put fresh herbs in that bowl. As I pulled out all the rocks, I had 3 Apache tears from when my Dad died. I knew I didn't want them in my house anymore. I took the herbs outside and put them around the base of my Maple tree. She transmutes all sorts of things for me. 

   The 3 Apache tears I put outside on the window sill as I want to throw them into the river. 

A spell bubbled out of me:

Sorrow sorrow 

Out the door

I don't need you

Anymore. 

(Repeated 3x)

Woosh!! I feel so much lighter. Though after that my radio turned off and a cold burst of air rushed past me. I really need to open all the doors tomorrow and sage this house!! Too much haunting lately! 👻

A story about a village and a princess

Once upon a time in a village by the mountains there lived a lovely young princess. She loved taking care of children with special needs but sometimes did not feel she knew how to take care of her own needs. She loved animals and was well known in the village for baking delicious desserts. 

   The young princess had led a life full of love and also heartache. Her light still shown bright and one day a dark prince saw that light and came into her life. Our Princess and the prince fell in love. It was not an easy love. The dark Prince often would test the Bright Princess to see if her love was only to be his. He would not share. The dark Prince lived in his castle in the north and would often return there to brood. The Princess would sometimes take to her bed and sleep for hours and hours as she would get depleted from taking care of all the children and her Brooding Prince. But he was also extraordinary at times and would swoop in to save the day like the time the Princess had to move to a different castle. The village was happy that their Bright Princess had her Prince. 

   One Spring a tragedy befell the Dark Prince. He had taken his life. The villagers did not know him well enough to know why. Is it possible that he had always carried a dark spell? Many do..and wait and wait to return to the source. To be free of some dark hidden anguish. 

   All the villagers knew was that the heart of their beloved princess was broken again. All they could do was let the Princess sleep and heal slowly. The village held its breath and sat in a healing circle around their friend. Then collectively they breathed...sharing their breath. All breathing together which made it possible for each of them to breath. As we are all a Prince and a Princess and we have all collectively had our human hearts broken. 

   The village was surrounded by Spring and renewal. They all recognized that cycles of life were universal truths. No one would ever really know why the Prince had come into her life and why he chose to go away when he did. 

  But the village knew they had each other and that they were stronger as a circle of friends. We know that we each have had turns where the loss was unbearable and we reached out for comfort, forgiveness and compassion. Collectively we can hold the loss and the love. This is a great truth in our life of mysteries. May you all feel held.

Blessed be. 

The Magickal Mind

"The magickal mind embraces all possibilities without the filter of limited thinking and thus creates a tangible reality in which all desires are fulfilled as rapidly as they are imagined." ~Katarine Anu

Peaceful Day

 

 

Such an interesting ride life is. Two weeks ago I felt shattered having to quit my job. I slept a lot letting myself heal. I started going out again. Started making some new friends. Then things shifted. I met with two friends this week for tarot card readings. I spent more time meditating, reading spiritual books, watching shows about healing, etc. Talked with both friends about starting up a new club where we will invite people to come make art and do magic. Taking turns. (More to come)

Friday I had a gonzo reiki session. Just released all kinds of old crap and healed fissors. Today I went to a memorial for a friends Mom who had passed. Its been nearly a year since my Mom died. It was nice to talk about her and I cried a bit when Lily played over the rainbow on her ukulele. It was wonderful to hang out with my Loveland friends. Got lots of hugs.

I came home and dove into working on an art piece I started probably 6-8 years ago? I totally dismantled it. Decided, why try to structurally reinvent the wheel? Went back to my tried and true model, then let my creativity flow. After a lovely hike this evening, Ive been back working on the sculpture. I let myself try some techniques, take things apart a couple of times but now completed the whole main armature. Its going to be pure fun to finish the rest of it.

I feel so peaceful tonight. Just mellow. A bit tired but looking forward to more artworkings tomorrow, then a great concert with friends. No idea where this journey will take me, but for now, I am very pleased to have my mojo back.

Beltane Prosperity Spell

Happy May Day!

Emergence

Happy Imbolc

Open up my Heart Again

   Lately I have been working with my healer to open up my heart again. Tonight as I was listening to more Peter Murphy, I was remembering one of my great loves. When I was 35 I was engaged to be married to Rex. He was a transgendered man. An old gentle soul. Most of my friends probably didnt meet him. It was a very long time ago. You also wouldnt know that the night after my then favorite Uncle Russ died, Rex carried me to bed, then slept on the couch. He left in the middle of the night. Abandoned me. A year later he committed suicide. I still have never gone to his grave in Northglenn. I should sometime. I feel his spirit once in awhile. Mostly when I hear the old Cure and Murphy love longs. 

      Tonight I came across a file folder full of love poems from other lovers. Oh the poetry we would all write back and forth when we were young. Do people still do that? I hope so. The point of this I guess, is for me to recognize that there is still a woman of passion inside me. She hasn't been in love in a couple of years, but there she is, still wanting to love. I have hopes to dive into that pool again. I forgive my past self. I forgive those that went away. I release and make room for new love. Blessed be. 

 

Very Good Day

1-19-17

Very good day

Good interview. Finished catio porch. Recycled. Vino with Toni.

Meditated - I went to my inner world and  Attended spaghetti dinner with family @ ranch. Hung out with Lee/Margie, Grandma/Grandpa, Donald/Jo, Melvin/Margaret, Russ and Mom.  I asked if there is anything anyone wanted to tell me? Any clues as to my root wounding? 

Lee said 'Don't give up on being a forklift operator'. I left the dinner and went back to the gate. Russ told me to go hang out at the Well.

As I walked I was accompanied by Beauty, Blue & Lulu. As I got to the Well, I was approached by Himself. He gave me a cup of my essence which he had taken without permission and wanted to return to me. He asked if we can still be friends. I said yes. 

    I sat down for 'Tea' for 4. Brigid as Maiden, Biddy Early as Crone. Me as Queen. My Mom showed up as possible one to sit down as Mother, but it didn't feel right. Then Cerridwen sat down. I led chant and had us all grab wrists to form Brigids cross. We circled around my essence tea and candle. "We are 4, the flame is One". I drank and breathed in the green essence tea. 

Then I said goodbye and walked out the gate. 

Later I watched the movie Big Fish. At the end, at the fathers funeral, all his friends showed up. I thought about my Mom and how she didn't want a funeral. She used to tell me that after Jo died, she didn't have any friends. They were Dads friends, not hers. 

    My epiphany is that I am Not like my Mom when it comes to friends. I've built my life on making friends and I value them so much. It's like another spell was broken. I'm not the keeper of my Moms myth about friends. She had friends, but she did not claim them. I totally claim my friends!! My friends are my roots. They hold the stories and memories of who I am today. My friends know my struggles and triumphs. My friends have my back. I Need my friends. I need people. My Mom went through life denying that she needed anyone else. Denying she needed friends. Well fuck that story. It's NOT my story! I am Not cut off from people. I am NOT cut off from my ancestors. I am NOT and will NOT be cut off from my friends whom I love. My story is my friends.