The Valley of the Cats

August 8, 2005

Last night I went to the CSU vet hospital to pick up my dearest cat Whiley. He was in renal failure and dying. I took him home and laid him on my bed on his favorite comforter. I lit all
the candles in the room including at least 6 that were Brigid's candles. I put some Steve Roach CD's on the stereo and began the vigil to walk with my familiar to the other side. He purred most of the night as I laid spooning his furry warm body. It would be the last time. I cried for hours on end - not wanting to fight the process but devastated still.
This morning Whiley is still alive and still purring. He hasnt eaten or drank water for two days now. Today I must take him to the vet to have him put to sleep. I cant make the phone call. He is still purring.
My mom gave me a cardboard box to put Whiley in. I have begun to decorate it. I put a towel in the bottom and then ontop of that his catnip play matt. It fits perfectly. I have now begun going through piles of old photos to pick a few that will go with him on his journey. I have picked one of him and I. I also have one of him and his brother Wolfie. I also made sure to include one of him and Liati. I tape these to the insides of the box. I also put in his favorite pieces of string. I include a drawing of Bast along with a small statue of her. I write a prayer on the inside of the box to bless Whileys journey.
I begin cleaning the house and putting all his things away or in the washer. I figure that I am already sobbing, I may as well do it now. My friend Maria calls to check on me and I can barely talk on the phone. I still cant make the call to the vet. Spirit tells me to roll a dice and the number on it will be the time I should make the appointment for. I roll a 2. I call and the only appointment they have open is for 2:30 - 30 extra minutes.
I take Whiley outside to sleep on his lounge chair. He is still purring. He occasionally boosts enough energy to move to different places in the yard. I find myself following him with my camera and taking closeup photographs of the patterns of his fur. Those amazing patterns that I never want to forget. I am sobbing - he is still purring.
It is now time to go the two blocks to the vet. I load the box in the car. I carry Whiley out to the porch to sniff noses with Liati one last time. My heart is broken.
I drive over with Whiley in my lap. I sit outside with Whiley in my lap because I cannot go in. Do I have the strength to do this? Whiley is still purring. I finally go inside. The women in the office give me 15 minutes to say good bye. I talk to Whiley about joining his brother Wolfie. I tell him that he is more than welcome to visit me or stay near me.
I take the box inside with the tape and explain that I dont have the strength to watch him slip away. Could they please put him in and seal the box. I am in a private room with Whiley as the vet comes in and asks me if I am ready. I kiss him and run outside. I sit on the back of my car sobbing. After an eternity, all three women bring the box out to me and give me a hug. My heart is broken.
I drive home and load my suitcase and Liati in the car and head for the ranch to bury Whiley next to his brother. The next part of the journey has begun