Helping a Pen Pal - Notes to Moon Girl prt1

NOTES TO Moon Girl

I've been writing notes to a friend who is in a brutal state of grief. The wisdoms bubbling out of me are proof that I have grown so much the past two years. And it's great to listen to my own advice. Now to have a lovely cup of tea before starting my New Moon ritual. 

Hey, I know we are basically FB friends, but my heart still goes out to you. A year ago my boyfriend broke up with me at Toms diner. Public tears. I thought we were moving towards marriage. Brutal. 

So, basically I just want to tell you I empathize with what you are going through. 

  I am happy to correspond to share some of the skills, techniques and help I utilized to survive the shock and betrayal. It's a path and rough journey. You are not on the journey alone. People before you and following. Reward yourself for the baby steps and even for the circles you will run in. You seem to me to be a kind and lovely person. Be gentle with yourself. There is no shame in having shared your heart. Someday you may share it with someone even more suited for you. 

Take care. 

Moon Girl:

My husband of ten years was bi-polar. I'm a fixer and a saver, so I thought I could help him, especially with my experience in the mental health field. I was wrong. I asked him for a divorce six years ago, then continued raising his daughter, from his first marriage, by myself. A year after the divorce was (finally!) finalized, I met Andy, The nicest, kindest person I'd ever met. He was the polar opposite of my ex-husband. I had huge trust issues and we worked through those together. I've never met someone so much like me, with so much in common, ever. We were inseparable for the first two years, falling into a more typical relationship the third and fourth years. In the past year he completely changed. I thought it was a mid-life crisis, so I was patient, too patient. Through snooping, I found speed-like diet pills hidden in his car (he's always been a bit portly). He was dropping weight like crazy, but his personality completely changed. He was angry, manic, agitated. I didn't mention the pills, not wanting to upset him more. He constantly complained about our relationship, even though it was as good as it had always been, minus his anger. Everything blew up on Friday two weeks ago. I'm devastated over losing the love of my life and something so beautiful.

Aspen: 

Well, that does totally suck. Chemicals are not good. As painful as my last two years have been, I've done it virtually sober. Drug testing for jobs, etc. I've never really cared for such things as s crutch anyway. 

  Did you ever get to talk with Andy about the diet pills? My ex-sister in law punched me one time and I found out later she was using steroids for 'body building'. Made her a really angry freaky person. Andy may get worse before he finds himself. Not everyone can do that within a relationship, no matter how supportive the partner is. 

  I'm sure everything is probably very surreal now but you just reaching out to community for roommate stuff demonstrates that you know how to keep walking your path. No matter the growing pains, we must keep plodding along. I hope soon you will be dancing a bit and noticing different human connections that will feed you. Even healers need help healing, someone reminded me recently that a wonderful way to heal is to dive back into service. Perhaps you will find a delightful roommate to bring you joy? Find a lovely gay man!!!! You can fuss over each other and giggle about boys. Go to every party and bbq that you get invited to. Even when you feel like hiding, get outside. You can pamper yourself. Healers don't often take that opportunity, so do that now. Grow and heal. It's Spring.

Aspen:

Tonight is the New Moon. I recommend a grief ritual of some sort. It will give you a sense of control over your grief. Shower/bath with candles & incense. Visualize your river of tears flower down the drain back to the earth. Perhaps put soaked warm tea bags on your sore eyes. Or a cloth soaked in chamomile tea. Drinking tea is a lovely ritual also. Splurge on a lovely Tulsi Jasmine Tea. 

    The New Moon can be a starting point of renewal. Begin New ways of grieving. Build on the tears. Let your grief fertilize the process. Add some little new grief activity that is healing. Like burning a 7 day candle, or writing one miserable thought a day on a post-it note and putting it in a jar. 

    I had to get Hypnotherapy and BHRT to get me thru the week, months and now I am pretty solid a year later.  

     But I also hiked every single day. While I hiked I had to recite a mantra that I came up with. Movement and mantra was enough to keep my brain so busy that I at least stopped the conversations in my head for an hour a day. 

    I personally don't think humans have one soulmate or mate for life. We have Soul families and New partners, friends, lovers, bosses, etc. show up in our lives when we evolve or are ready to add more love in our lives. (Others run from it and miss out) 

Be careful around issues of self blame & shame. Breath and shed that shit down the drain too. Do not feel weird about going to a therapist, healer, shaman, etc. getting sick is not going to help you grieve. 

    I do so connect with your story. I shared mine publicly on FB for a year. There are mixed reactions out there, but mostly a lot of compassion. I will be burning a 7 day candle for you tonight to send you gentle compassion and healing for your lovely eyes.